Open My Hands

As a lot of you know, James and I began looking at houses a few months ago. Now that bummer response is bubbling up inside of me – the one where I have been given something really good and it turned into an opportunity for fear and discontentment somehow!

We’re not really finding much we like, and if we do, it’s at the very highest point of our comfortable price-range. We’ve seen a house that backs up to a Buddhist temple (complete with a literal, big golden idol in the back), laundry machines in kitchens, and also some gorgeous granite countertops and the like.

It’s easy for me to rush this process. I don’t enjoy the hard-earned fruit of patience. I prefer the immediate satisfaction. If I were given a choice between stale donuts on the table in front of me, or fresh, hot ones in 20 minutes, I’d probably pick the stale ones. Whoops.

So when we’ve looked at a certain number of so-so houses, I get all fatalistic, taking the joy and excitement out of this whole process! What started as a dream that was coming true (my first HOME with my HUSBAND!) turned into a a bit of a burden. And even the language I’m using now is dramatic (must be the entertainer in me)! 

I listened to this sermon by Alistair Begg on contentment. He was talking about the mystery of Phil. 4:10-13… that we can have deep “joy independent of our circumstances… as a result of our ever-deepening relationship with Christ.” We don’t just get a 5-step plan for contentment and all is well. We get more Jesus. And this relationship with Jesus is the grounding for our learned contentment: “in the strength of Christ, I can be calm in adversity, and humble in prosperity… Christian contentment is to be embrace one significant life-transforming ambition: to have no higher ambition than to belong to the Lord and to be entirely at his disposal.”

“To be entirely at his disposal,” I like that. That sermon reminded me of one of my favorite songs from Sara Groves. She points to Psalm 34:10 and Psalm 84:11 – even in the times I am waiting for that one thing to finally happen, or I don’t understand what is happening at all, God is giving me good, and I will open my hands to all that he has for me. I want to open my hands to God like this each day.

I believe in a fountain that will never dry
Though I’ve thirsted and didn’t have enough
Thirst is no measure of his faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
No good thing from us, no good thing from us

I will open my hands, will open my heart
I will open my hands, will open my heart
I am nodding my head an emphatic yes
To all that You have for me

Getting to the Heart

There are so many issues we face each day. Some anger builds up over here, depression overwhelms us, or we keep running into the same dramatic issues with loved ones. Little things show us each day that our emotions betray us and we don’t know what to do when we are hurting ourselves or when we’ve hurt others. To paraphrase Elyse Fitzpatrick, oftentimes we suspect that our “sin is deeper than a few unkind words,” but we’re not yet willing to know our hearts.

Our church started a free Biblical counseling program, and I’ve been meeting with a woman for about 3 months now. Wow, am I excited about it all. I’m always blown away by her wisdom and understanding of people and the Word, and I am also blown away by everything I am seeing in myself and in my life.

You’d think after a while you’d stop facing those same issues of anger and resentment, loneliness and fear, or whatever most affects you. What a dumb thought! You’ve probably heard that saying, “the greater you come to know God’s grace, the greater you come to know your sin.” That’s the truth.

I think a lot of us functionally operate under the belief that we are better off wearing a bit of a mask with God and others. Yes, we believe we are sinners in need of God’s forgiveness in theory, but when it comes to facing the sticky issues at work or with my husband… I don’t really wanna go too deep. I’d rather just change my behavior externally and hope for the best. Until the same things keep popping up and I’m not seeing any lasting change.

 

 

My counselor is always telling me, “You can’t be really right until you are rightly real.” Living a life of humble confession – not of trying to look like you’ve got it all figured out – will help to bring real hope and change to your life! “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed” (James 5:16).When I own up to the truth of what I so often see inside, however ugly, I open myself up to God’s good work and grace in my life. I also open myself up more truly to others. It will take a lifetime of working through issues and battling our sin; change won’t happen overnight. But we are more likely to see lasting growth into Christlikeness as we work through things honestly. It sucks to see the truth about yourself when it ain’t so pretty, but it is so worth it.I love this prayer from Elyse Fitzpatrick, and this passage in Hebrews:

“Please help me to know my sin so that I might repent of it, but then cause me to see your Son. I pray that no sin, no idol, no failure would capture my view, but Jesus alone… I trust that you will sustain me and make me completely victorious when it pleases you to do so, and in the meantime, please grant me patience, faith, and strength to continue to war.”
(Comforts from the Cross)

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
(Hebrews 4:15-16)

 

 

 

*For more info on Biblical counseling, check out these websites:

http://www.faithlafayette.org/counseling

http://www.ccef.org/

Oh, hi blog!

Obviously, it’s been a while since I’ve contributed to this thang.

Since my last post, we’ve celebrated our first anniversary and have started looking at houses! We are also leaving for Florida next week (we’ll be staying in St. Pete Beach and visiting St. Petersburg and Tampa), and it’s my birthday tomorrow! April is a very fun month for me!

April 15, 2011

April 15, 2012

St. Pete Beach:

…what we’ll be doing everyday:

Along with some reading (and other fun stuff!). James is taking along Laura Hillenbrand’s Unbroken, we’re both reading the Hunger Games series, and I’m continuing with the second installment of C.S. Lewis’ Space Trilogy, Perelandra!

We’ll be listening to a good mix of tunes, like these, for example:

Chairlift – Wrong Opinion
Santigold – Disparate Youth
Neon Indian – Polish Girl
Bombay Bicycle Club – How Can You Swallow So Much Sleep
Kimbra – Cameo Lover

Although we’ve had a lot of fun things going on lately, we are seriously looking forward to some time relaxing with each other and being in the sun. I’m so glad we’re getting away. Hopefully I’ll post some fun pictures to post when we’re back!

Apocalyptic Romance

Been reading a lot of MOM lately. Oh yeah, that’s how I’ve started referring to Tim & Kathy Keller’s Meaning of Marriage (HIGHLY RECOMMEND). The chapter I was reading last week was “The Power for Marriage,” and he covered a lot of ground on self-centeredness and love-as-covenant, not just a feeling. I’ve been so encouraged in seeing my marriage as ultimately not about me. Today, reading a sentance like that is shocking. We think everything is about us and for our good. Especially our romantic relationships. 

Regarding this, Keller uses the term “apocalyptic romance,” which I love.  In his review of MOM, Jonathan Holmes says “Many people pursue an ‘apocalyptic’ romance in the sense that they see marriage essentially as a relationship towards self-fulfillment and pleasure. The marriage relationship based on this view quickly disintegrates leaving both spouses wanting more. Keller writes, ‘Modern people make the painfulness of marriage even greater than it has to be, because they crush it under the weight of their almost cosmically impossible expectations.’”

Keller keeps pointing out how we were made to find joy in serving each other rather than serving ourselves. In seeing our partner’s joy and good as more important than our own.  In light of this, Romans 15:1-3 has been powerful for me lately:

We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. For Christ did not please himself, but as it is written, “The reproaches of those who reproached you fell on me.”

And there’s cool things the Spirit can do when you are submitting to God in this way… He points you to the way you’ve been so deeply loved and thought for in Christ. Jesus didn’t please himself, but died for our sake. This is the substance of us dying to ourselves for the sake of our spouse. So my marriage doesn’t have to be about my pleasure all the time or making sure all my needs are met perfectly. Lord knows that’ll never totally happen this side of heaven! So I can keep looking to Jesus and His love for me… and draw strength to love my husband (and others!) in moments of conflict or disappointment, praying that I’d “please [him] for his good, to build him up.”

That’s all I got for now… But I hope to get back on a roll here

Contagiously Grateful for Grace

The war of faith… is believing that Jesus loves you and His gospel is enough for you NOT in your trying to ‘do better next time’ or belieing you will fix yourself soon enough, but even in your failure right now.

It’s not that I remind myself of truth and then I’m just going to ‘do better tomorrow!’

But… perhaps God will use great sin or weakness in my life, even tomorrow, to accomplish his will and to make me contagiously grateful for grace. – Elyse Fitzpatrick

 

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Rom. 8:1

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son…” Rom. 8:28-29a

Don’t Leave the Desert

“It hurts to hope in the face of continued failure, so you try to stop hurting by giving up hope. Or you live in denial. In contrast, people of faith live in the desert. Like Abraham, they are aware of the reality of their circumstances but are fixed on hope. Paul describes how “in hope [Abraham] believed against hope” (Rom. 4:18).

But the hardest part of being in the desert is that there is no way out. There is no relief in sight.

A desert can be almost anything. It can be a child who has gone astray, a difficult boss, or even your own sin or foolishness. Maybe you married your desert.

God customizes deserts for each of us. He takes everyone he loves through a desert. It is his cure for our wandering hearts, restlessly searching for a new Eden. The desert is God’s best hope for the creation of an authentic self.

Why?

Because the desert becomes a window to the heart of God. He finally gets your attention because he is the only game in town. The still, dry air of the desert brings the sense of helplessness that is so crucial to the spirit of prayer.

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you,
as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
(Psalm 63:1)

I often find that when God doesn’t answer a prayer or doesn’t take me out of the desert, he wants to expose something in me. Watch for the story God is weaving in your life. Don’t leave the desert.”

——–
Paul Miller, A Praying Life 

Happy NY Inspiration!

In light of New Year’s resolutions, check out this absolutely sick video of regular-Joe (more like Jane) ladies up in the gym! (They’re CrossFitters, of course.)

Happy 2012!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCuXZ56jhSE&feature=youtu.be